Let the Border Games Begin!
July 14, 2021
More fun and games at the border. In today’s news, we learned three out of four illegal aliens caught and released at the border later fail to turn themselves into ICE, according to members of Congress and official ICE numbers. Perfect! But let’s do better. How about this - I encourage the Biden administration to make sure NOBODY shows up to ICE by registering them as Democrat voters on the spot and promising them a $100 gift card if they appear at the voting booth.
Why stop there? The Democrats should hold a contest for the dirtiest kid held in Biden cages at unaccompanied alien minor shelters, where the contractors have no experience and clean underwear is in short supply. The Biden administration is diverting $860 million in COVID relief funds to spend on new underwear. This is OK, even though it wasn’t OK for Donald Trump to repurpose Pentagon funds to build the wall. So the solution is simple - Joe Biden is talking about building part of the wall, so have the kids build it.
Speaking of kids in cages, Kamala Harris blames Trump for that. There’s only one problem: everybody knows Obama built those cages and the Biden administration is holding seven times as many kids as the Trump administration did. I hear the classic 1944 movie ‘Gaslight’ is being remade - remember, where the husband was trying to convince the wife she was going crazy? The remake will feature Kamala Harris in the starring role. They wanted Joe Biden, but he couldn’t remember his lines.
More than a million illegal aliens have been arrested at the border since October, including almost 7,000 with prior criminal convictions and 542 percent more sex offenders. You know, the Olympics are coming up. They should make illegal border crossing an Olympic event. Oh, I forgot - what flag would they fly for the winners at the medals ceremony?
The Biden administration is ending a program that allowed border agents to quickly return illegal crossers back over the border. I’m sorry, but this doesn’t go far enough. I won’t be satisfied until there’s a program that allows illegal aliens to send border agents back across the border. By the way, the policy change, which may take effect July 31st, means that illegal alien families will no longer be expelled. Why don’t they just cut to the chase and order every American citizen out of the country by July 31st to make way for newcomers? They should hold a contest to name this new operation. I think they should call it ‘Conquest’.
Meanwhile, we’re learning that the Mexican cartels are making out like bandits from all this new activity at the border under the Biden administration. Nobody comes across the border without the authorization of the cartels and, presumably, paying them a fee. In fact, the way I hear the story, the fees have gone way up, given all the new demand since Biden took over. Since the anarchists and Rashida Tlaib’s among us want to defund the police and abolish all prisons, there’s a money-making opportunity here. The Biden administration should legalize the cartel border-crossing fees, tax them to pay for the Green New Deal, and unionize the cartel workers so they can pay forced union dues into Democrat campaign coffers. Hmm, maybe I shouldn’t give them any ideas.
Finally, the Biden administration is ending a program that helped victims of crimes committed by illegal aliens, you know, the regular Americans who have been raped, shot, and hit by drunk drivers who are here illegally. Actually, I’m all for this because I hear the money spent on the program will now go to teaching critical race theory and other Marxist claptrap to unsuspecting school kids. Systemic racism trainers will make oodles of money teaching people to hate their country. It’s time for Joe Biden to start thinking about his legacy, and I can’t think of a better place to start.
July 14, 2021
More fun and games at the border. In today’s news, we learned three out of four illegal aliens caught and released at the border later fail to turn themselves into ICE, according to members of Congress and official ICE numbers. Perfect! But let’s do better. How about this - I encourage the Biden administration to make sure NOBODY shows up to ICE by registering them as Democrat voters on the spot and promising them a $100 gift card if they appear at the voting booth.
Why stop there? The Democrats should hold a contest for the dirtiest kid held in Biden cages at unaccompanied alien minor shelters, where the contractors have no experience and clean underwear is in short supply. The Biden administration is diverting $860 million in COVID relief funds to spend on new underwear. This is OK, even though it wasn’t OK for Donald Trump to repurpose Pentagon funds to build the wall. So the solution is simple - Joe Biden is talking about building part of the wall, so have the kids build it.
Speaking of kids in cages, Kamala Harris blames Trump for that. There’s only one problem: everybody knows Obama built those cages and the Biden administration is holding seven times as many kids as the Trump administration did. I hear the classic 1944 movie ‘Gaslight’ is being remade - remember, where the husband was trying to convince the wife she was going crazy? The remake will feature Kamala Harris in the starring role. They wanted Joe Biden, but he couldn’t remember his lines.
More than a million illegal aliens have been arrested at the border since October, including almost 7,000 with prior criminal convictions and 542 percent more sex offenders. You know, the Olympics are coming up. They should make illegal border crossing an Olympic event. Oh, I forgot - what flag would they fly for the winners at the medals ceremony?
The Biden administration is ending a program that allowed border agents to quickly return illegal crossers back over the border. I’m sorry, but this doesn’t go far enough. I won’t be satisfied until there’s a program that allows illegal aliens to send border agents back across the border. By the way, the policy change, which may take effect July 31st, means that illegal alien families will no longer be expelled. Why don’t they just cut to the chase and order every American citizen out of the country by July 31st to make way for newcomers? They should hold a contest to name this new operation. I think they should call it ‘Conquest’.
Meanwhile, we’re learning that the Mexican cartels are making out like bandits from all this new activity at the border under the Biden administration. Nobody comes across the border without the authorization of the cartels and, presumably, paying them a fee. In fact, the way I hear the story, the fees have gone way up, given all the new demand since Biden took over. Since the anarchists and Rashida Tlaib’s among us want to defund the police and abolish all prisons, there’s a money-making opportunity here. The Biden administration should legalize the cartel border-crossing fees, tax them to pay for the Green New Deal, and unionize the cartel workers so they can pay forced union dues into Democrat campaign coffers. Hmm, maybe I shouldn’t give them any ideas.
Finally, the Biden administration is ending a program that helped victims of crimes committed by illegal aliens, you know, the regular Americans who have been raped, shot, and hit by drunk drivers who are here illegally. Actually, I’m all for this because I hear the money spent on the program will now go to teaching critical race theory and other Marxist claptrap to unsuspecting school kids. Systemic racism trainers will make oodles of money teaching people to hate their country. It’s time for Joe Biden to start thinking about his legacy, and I can’t think of a better place to start.